Doubt and uncertainty

Nicky11

mai jab bhi apni healing karti hu mujhe aisa lagta hai ki Mai sahi healing kar rahi hu ya nahi , mai sahi raste pe hu nahi kahi mai kuch galat to nahi kar rahi ..mujhe samjh me hi nahi ata mujhe karna kya hai .. example - negative energy ko hatane ke liye hanuman chalisa, sos aur all clear lena shuru kiya lekin kuch hi der me ye doubt aya ki kisi din Mai serum na le payi to kya hoga ...kahi kuch bura ho gaya to. .kahi phir se negative energy ka attack achanak se badh gaya to kya hoga ..is vajh se mai social activity me bhi intrest nahi leti hu , 5 years se isolation me hu ye sochkar ki shayad ek din sab thik ho jayega, past ki kuch mistake ki vjh har cheez me doubt ata hai ..samjh nahi ata kya karu , kaha jau , kya solution hai..kabhi kabhi collapse jaisi situation ho jati hai ..himmat toot jati hai .. uncertainty ki vjh se proper healing bhi nahi le pati hu .. confusion bani rahti hai ..chest me permanent ek tightness bani rahti hai .. sometime saffocation hota hai ..rat me dar ke ankh khul jati hai aur terror feel hota hai...kuch naye aur progressive descision ke bare me jaise hi sochti hu .. anxiety badh jati hai ki kaise hoga agar mera past fir se mere samne aa gaya to kya hoga ..past ke sexual harrasment aur na bol pane ki vjh se ki gayi sare incident yad ane lagte hai ..jo kam karne ka man hai vo ye soch ke nahi kar pa rahi hu ki agar ye descision galat hua to kya hoga .. emotional support nahi hai ..koi financial backup nahi hai.. ..but zimmedariyan meri capacity se bhi zyada hai ... please tell me mere liye kya best rahega?
Har cheez me mujhe doubt ata hai ... Healing sari kam karti hai mere upar mujhe results bhi bahut jaldi milte hai lekin hamesha isliye meri healing tab ruk jati hai jaise hi mai kuch aisa sochti hu jisme meri khushi hai aur meri freedom hai ...mujhe apne sare trauma, failure, setback yad ane lagte hai ..aur phir mai aage nahi badh pati hu ...agar ye negative energy hai to kya iska koi permanent solution hai ?