Partner Being Difficult With Me on a Project

Ramaya

Dear Litairian Team,

I have had alot of improvements to my life since my VK's came into my life last April, so I am very grateful for that.
My current life partner can be quite difficult, however, he has calmed down quite alot, especially in the last month or so, which I am also very grateful for. He is more cooperative in general, however, when it comes to working on any projects together, if he is not in charge and making the decisions as to how things are done, he becomes very difficult with me, starts to bully me, throws a tantrum unbefitting of his age and often walks off the job, leaving me to do things by myself, when I really really need help.

Currently I have a project that needs finished that is unfinished, because of this. I had a training pen for our horses that was in the shape of a circle, but since the ground on our property goes downhill, it was very hard for the horses to work in and maintain their balance in, so I made the decision to make the circular training pen bigger. It was 74 feet in diameter and I decided to add four more panels (they are heavy steel panels). I had some money left of my own that I was going to buy them with, but when we went to pick them up my partner offered to pay for them, which I was grateful for. The panels turned out to be on sale so I was able to buy six panels for the price of four panels. This part was the uncomplicated part, and so we bought them and got them home without a problem. The day we went to set them up my partner was very difficult, and threw a fit and walked off the job, and then came back and hour later, because he did not want to do things "my way". The only reason we got them set up and connected that day was because I had to submit to him, and do what he wanted. This is very tiresome and it gets old quickly and I feel like I am being broken down so he has complete authority over me. It is very frustrating. He thinks he is better than me because he is a man and because he has money, which for me is a very strange way of thinking, that literally makes no sense.

So we got the panels up and connected, so they are standing in a circle, however, there is one last part to finish the job that he is 100% being uncooperative about, and so I have been avoiding finishing the job with him, because I do not want to go through being bullied by him again.

The steel panels are connected at each end with a chain at the top and a chain at the bottom. The panels are supposed to be butted up against each other so that there is no gap, no opening, for the horse to accidentally get his hoof caught in. They are made to close this way and this is why I bought these types of panels, because they have this safety feature. Before, when we had it set up with fewer panels, we also had to come back and chain the ends properly so that they were butted against each other properly. There are videos on how it is to be done that we have watched several times. The problem is that because we are working on a slope, and therefore the ground is not level, it is a big challenge to get them butted properly and chained so there is no gap. It should take about 4-6 hours to do with the two of us for the round pen to be chained properly.

So, my partner does not want to take the time and effort to chain them properly. He is not a horseperson and does not care about "safety issues" with the panels and has told me I am being ridiculous with wanting the panels chained properly because the ground is sloped. I know it is possible because we have done it before.

The day we tried to chain it previously, I had asked my VK to "make a way for the round pen to be chained properly", but my partner was so difficult he went off to do other work one time while we were working, and then he quit working when we had two hours left of our allotted time. I have had horses in the training pen since we put it up, in the last week or so, but they have not touched it so they have not physically tested it. We also live in an area that gets very high winds and we also get extreme snowstorms, so they really do need to be chained properly before the bad weather sets in. The panels have to be level at the top corners, not one end higher than the other, and my partner is telling me it does not matter if one end is higher than the other.

So, I have been avoiding working on him to finish this project. ****I did ask my VK to make a way for the panels to be chained properly AND to make my life partner "cooperative" with this project, but he actually got worse. **** We live in a rural area and there is no one I know to ask to help me finish it, so my options are my partner only.

So, I need to know the best way to ask my VK to get this round pen chained properly, and then I have another project that I need my partners cooperation on.

I should preface this by saying, my partner does not like any kind of manual labor. He is extremely physically lazy, so this is part of the problem. He does not want to do any physical work.

The second project is putting up a fence for an arena, which would be much larger than the training pen. It would be about 110x250 feet. I am planning on using t-posts for the fence and the t-posts have to be driven into the ground manually, which is very hard work. I am short and so he is the one who has to drive t-posts in for fences on our property, because he is quite tall. I did the math and it would take at least 32 t-posts. I am planning on putting safety caps on the top of them and running a polywire directly across the top of them, so the tops of them would have to be perfectly level.

**I need my partner to cooperate to do this job as well, to drive the t-posts into the ground with the driver, so that the fence is correctly set up for the arena. My partner has money but I know he will not pay anyone to do this for him, so either he will have to do it or it won't happen. **

The rest of the fence materials are not expensive and I plan to pay for the majority of it myself. I have not had an arena to train the horses in for years now, and I am supposed to be training horses and giving riding lessons to make money, but he keeps blocking me from doing this, so this is very important to me.

**I know I can give him Calm Down Serum, which I started giving him again recently, and I can chant Golden Sunrise, but how should I be asking my VK to help with completing this projects since the way I first asked (that the round pen would be chained properly and that my partner would be cooperative) did not work? **

He likes to bully me and it is very tiresome, and he actually thinks it is funny and is amused by it. The bullying has recently gone down from about 100% of the time to 20% of the time, in the last 4-6 weeks, since all the planets were in an intense alignment it did change his behavior with me to a great extent, in general. Just not when it comes to "my" projects, he is still being quite difficult and it leaves me in quite a state of stress because the projects are unfinished and I don't want to deal with him.

**I will continue to give him Calm Down Serum on a daily basis, I just don't know how I should ask my VK for help so that both of these projects are completed in the best way possible and SOON. ** In my mind, working with my life partner should be a joyful, loving experience, but I find myself stressed out even thinking about it.

Rakhi-Certified VK Teacher

@Ramaya
Send him LOVE SERUM and GYM SERUM
Request VK GOLDEN SUNRISE PLEASE MAKE WAY FOR MY FENCING/CHAINING WORK TO BE DONE WITH EASE THE WAY IT SHOULD BE FOR PROTECTION OF MY HORSES.

Leave it on Divine VK who will do and how it will happen.

Sometimes maybe you need to leave some decisions to your partners will. And allow him to take steps
From your posts I gathered your partner willingly proactively invests at the time of the need.
So let him also take some decisions , he will feel good and responsible.

Ramaya

Thank you Rakhi maam for your response, but in reality my partner does not want me making decisions. So, I think that you have misunderstood. He is usually not helpful, it is quite the opposite. For many years he trained me not to ask him for help with anything by being abusive whenever I asked him for help. He would simply not help me. Also, I am the one that does the majority of the work here on the farm, he does little to no work, he even expects me to handle his responsibilities. Many projects have been put off for years because he does not want to be bothered with them and is unapproachable. The water pipes in the house are backed up yet the problem remains. It is not one pipe, all the water pipes back up, even when you take a shower. The air conditioning has been broken for years but he doesn't get it fixed. He refuses to take care of his horses and expects me to do it. There is a very long list. He has only been more helpful in the last 4-6 weeks, but only if he makes all the decisions and I am submissive to him. He does not want me to be independent or to think for myself. Also, this project with the chains is not something I can compromise on. It is for the safety of the horses which he literally does not care about. When you said I should let him make decisions, that is the opposite of what is happening. He has to be dominant over me or he punishes me. This has been the pattern for years. If I do not do what he wants, he punishes me. It is not a relationship, because he does not spend time with me except for a few days a year, and even then he acts like it is an obligation. It is just for show for him, so he can tell people he is a family man, but in reality he has no interest in me. He does things for show, things that he can show to other people to say he does things for me, but he does not spend time with me. The relationship from his end has always been fake. I don't know else how to explain it to you. I gave up a long time ago. I am trying to get my life going so I can get my own business income so I can be independent and he can't control me anymore.